The Day The Earth Stood Still…..A Turd.
Not since Independence Day has a seemingly fool-proof premise for a movie become such an overblown floating turd of a film. Infact, I’m being way too kind here….for there are turds floating in a river somewhere that I would much rather pull up a seat near, grab a box of popcorn and a choc-top and just watch for hours. I can assure you that the gentle swaying of the turds as they slowly drift down a river bed would offer so much more action, suspense and even acting chops than what The Day The Earth Stood Still offered.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is modern film making at its worst. Uninspired, incomprehensible, lazy, soulless and stupendously DULL.
Turd Factor #1: Keanu Reeves playing a virtually emotionless alien figure sounds like a role he may have been born for, but the weight of simply having to speak monotone and stare alot seemed too much of an acting challenge even for him. He stinks.
Turd Factor #2: Jennifer Connelly is a very good actress with some great roles on her resume, but somehow she manages to be completely unmemorable in this. Granted she had nothing to work with, but she brought such emptiness to the role…something great actors rarely do.
Turd Factor #3: Oh my god…is there anything worse than a bad child actor? Seriously, am I the only one who grinds my teeth when I see an annoying kid in a movie? Jaden Smith needs to quit being pushed into the movie biz by Mum and Dad and visit some acting classes straight away. Thing is, this little punk was ok in The Pursuit of Happyness, but what the hell happened since then? I feel for the kids out there who can REALLY act who missed out on this role because Jaden’s Dad demanded his son play the part. Not cool. One of the top ten most annoying child-acting performances in the last ten years.
Turd Factor #4: I don’t think I’ve ever been more underwhelmed by the special effects in a predominantly special effects-driven film. I would have preferred frame-by-frame claymation and a guy in a tinfoil suit than the tedious CGI I had to endure in this.
Turd factor #5: Never…I repeat…NEVER remake a classic film. Some films are untouchable.
Hollywood, you should be ashamed.
April 26, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Hey Faystar, great review man…
I haven’t seen this yet, and I’m not sure I really wanna, but I know I will. Y’know how that goes…sometimes you just have to see for yourself. And then you think: What was I thinking..? Everyone said it was trash…When will I learn?
Tell me this though. Does it fall into the it’s-so-bad-it’s-good category? Is there any hope for this film becoming another Battlefield Earth, which my good friend and I love to watch just to sling s*#t at.
Or a Cutthroat Island…I kinda miss films THAT bad. Hehe. (I got free tix to go see Cuttroat back in the day through my workplace, so said friend and I went to see it after work on a Friday night, and it was so bad it woulda been a potential ‘walkout film’ in any other circumstances. But seeing as the tix were free, we sat through it, and just laughed our arses off throughout. Was a crap film, but a great night…
Ah, the great shit films…In fact, it started a tradition for us we coined The S*#t Film Nights, where we’d hire things like Waterworld and (Britney’s) Crossroads and Coyote Ugly and anything of Steven Seagal’s…God they were some good times. Do you think this film might make the cut?
Or is it simply it’s-so-bad-it’s-useless…?
Btw, I loved “Turd Factor #1″, that was a precision Keanu summary. (And I actually LIKE Keanu…But he IS a stiff, even at his best…
Anyway man, if ya ever wanna get together for a S*#t Film Night, let me know. Though maybe we’ll choose something other than Choc-Tops to munch on, all this talk of Turds and S*#t is starting to get weird…
April 27, 2009 at 10:16 am
hehehe…great comment Decoy.
We both obviously share a love of the “so-bad-its-good” genre. I often tell people that watching a laughably bad film can be just as fun, if not more, than watching a good one.
Mid 1980’s straight-to-video action films are my personal favourite. You can sometimes catch them at 3am on tv.
Unfortunately, I wouldn’t put “Earth Stood Still” in the “so-bad-its-good” category….it’s just too….dull. It takes itself too seriously, but not in a cool “Battlefield Earth” kinda way.
I’d love a S$#t film night! We’d start with GIGLI, move on to CATWOMAN, throw in a quick BATTLEFIELD EARTH and then top it off with one of my personal faves, HOWARD THE DUCK.
I’m so there!
April 30, 2009 at 5:42 pm
Hehehe…
Done, man…We’ll pencil that S#&t Film Night in, for sure…
That selection sounds great. You know, I’ve never seen Gigli, I know, it’s crazy, especially for a crap film lover…It was always one on the to-do list, but I never got around to it. So we’ll definitely kick-off with that one…
And yeah, I hear ya, what a shame, eh? The Day The Earth does sound like it’s trying too hard, and taking itself too seriously, as you said.
And true man, thats a really interesting point: the way certain films can take themselves too seriously (ala Battlefield Earth) and still be a fun bad film…and then some films just take themselves too seriously to be any fun at all…Hmm…
Damn party-poopers…
July 25, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Your content are great! dannicash